Holiday Gifting: Anatomically Incorrect Fashions

My holiday compass points to Bergdorf Goodman to assess whether or not writing about the holidays is appropriate yet. And since they’ve unleashed their holiday windows, said compass has given me the green light to exhaust any and all holiday references brewing inside me’brain. [Whew, that's a lot o'holiday.] In light of this, I’ve created a pop-up installment, running from right now until my birthday, on December 20 December 25 that will once a week, document three man-repelling items to gift me, your favorite weener fender, your loved ones. (Or self?) This week, we’ll talk female genitals. I spent the afternoon in Saks and their racks were adorned by buttloads of female genital inspired duds which in turn got me thinking, if wearing a Thakoon ruffled blazer means dressing as a vagina then so be it, one life-sized labia, coming right up. 

1. This one is for the budget unconscious. It is a black shrug by Comme des Garcons.

You see, this is worth the bangin’ buck because you’ll look like a black vagina AND large intestine. A good anatomical accessory over all. 

2. Prada’s ankle strap pump. Equipped with the token clitoris.

Because if you haven’t invested in Thakoon or Margiela genitals, you’re an idiot. Redeem yourself with Prada.

3. And finally, Pleasure Doing Business makes a pair of RicRac shorts that will quite literally zone in on your lady bits.
Outrageously high waisted and decoratively (strategically) placed wavy lace details make these “scuba shorts” a sure win for the Man Repeller in your life.
And to the ladies that will receive these gifts, bask in the paradoxical glory of knowing that while you expose your sartorial lady bits for your fellow Repellows to see, embrace, compliment, lust after and swoon…your anatomical lady bits will stay rusty, unused, neglected. 
Bikini wax? Not here pal.