Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Trend Spotting: Birth Control Glasses

 

Birth control glasses have been on the up for a solid three years now but because it’s only been six months since I’ve properly identified most of the fashion trends we lurve as Man Repellers I’ve been forced to deliver a delayed trend spotting piece on thick framed eye-glasses, which will be referred to as BCGs going forward.

When I leave my home I question the motivation behind my wearing them. I have a minor lazy eye so technically, I don’t even really need glasses. Confession! I lied to my mom three years ago and told her my eyes were hurting so she would take me to the eye doctor. We went to the doctor. He was obviously something of a dishonest doctor because my eyeballs were fine but he told me I needed new specs, what a thief! I was thrilled.

Now let’s dissect the trend, extra douche bag points for specs un-prescripted. Taking a small cue from the street style blogs that crowd my browser, behold:

Ankle socks, sandals, neons, camel coat, cinnabun, BCGs. She’s likely on the phone explaining to her gynecologist that at the moment, a check up is unnecessary.

Glasses aside, do note the layered chains across to her blazer. I’m sure there’s some sort of clasp to remove them but it’s funnier to imagine her struggling to take her jacket off because she’s trapped inside her chains.

A good lesson in learning to channel Grease Lightning and the Pink Ladies with just your eyes.

 

Call me crazy, but it’s pretty sunny behind you, girlfriend. Unnecessary umbrella use. Can I say the same about your frame-use?

 image via Mr. Newton

I love Julia Frakes because she wears Mochilla-weavings better than Mexicans do. This photo doesn’t represent that, though. Take a cue from her BCGs.

 image via Mr. Newton

Knit neck brace, mushroom hat and bifauxcals–just kidding, I don’t know if they’re faux, but girlfriend, your labia must be lonely. On the bright side, I have a lady boner.

 Ahuh. image via Mr. Newton

Now, I can think of the vast rebuttals you may be conjuring up:
“What about the sexy librarian.”
“Guys love hot nerds.”
“Good for role-playing.”‘
But no, you’re wrong. And I have photographic proof:

SEE!

I’m not suggesting you stop wearing them, but what I am saying is: they may slow down the mating process. 

And in case you’re wondering, re: getting choked, I’m fine.

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