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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Trend Spotting: Birth Control Glasses

 

Birth control glasses have been on the up for a solid three years now but because it's only been six months since I've properly identified most of the fashion trends we lurve as Man Repellers I've been forced to deliver a delayed trend spotting piece on thick framed eye-glasses, which will be referred to as BCGs going forward.

When I leave my home I question the motivation behind my wearing them. I have a minor lazy eye so technically, I don't even really need glasses. Confession! I lied to my mom three years ago and told her my eyes were hurting so she would take me to the eye doctor. We went to the doctor. He was obviously something of a dishonest doctor because my eyeballs were fine but he told me I needed new specs, what a thief! I was thrilled.

Now let's dissect the trend, extra douche bag points for specs un-prescripted. Taking a small cue from the street style blogs that crowd my browser, behold:

Ankle socks, sandals, neons, camel coat, cinnabun, BCGs. She's likely on the phone explaining to her gynecologist that at the moment, a check up is unnecessary.

Glasses aside, do note the layered chains across to her blazer. I'm sure there's some sort of clasp to remove them but it's funnier to imagine her struggling to take her jacket off because she's trapped inside her chains.
A good lesson in learning to channel Grease Lightning and the Pink Ladies with just your eyes.
 
Call me crazy, but it's pretty sunny behind you, girlfriend. Unnecessary umbrella use. Can I say the same about your frame-use?
 image via Mr. Newton
I love Julia Frakes because she wears Mochilla-weavings better than Mexicans do. This photo doesn't represent that, though. Take a cue from her BCGs.
 image via Mr. Newton
Knit neck brace, mushroom hat and bifauxcals--just kidding, I don't know if they're faux, but girlfriend, your labia must be lonely. On the bright side, I have a lady boner.
 Ahuh. image via Mr. Newton

Now, I can think of the vast rebuttals you may be conjuring up:
"What about the sexy librarian."
"Guys love hot nerds."
"Good for role-playing."'
But no, you're wrong. And I have photographic proof:

SEE!

I'm not suggesting you stop wearing them, but what I am saying is: they may slow down the mating process. 

And in case you're wondering, re: getting choked, I'm fine.

32 comments:

  1. AAAHHH!!! Another excellent post (not just cuz a couple of my shots feature therein). I am wearing some BCGs right now. I am also single. Connection? Duh...

    I need those Oakley glasses at the top in my life. Always gotta have backup.

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  2. I've been cursed since glasses since I was 8 (astigmatism keeps me from switching to contacts), and it always pisses me off when I see people wearing frames without lenses or non-prescription ones.

    Bitches, please. If you had to wear this shit to watch TV (or see the monitor I'm typing into) you wouldn't find them so cute or quirky. More of a huge annoyance than a fashion accessory.

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  3. This is a great one. A very great job Man Repeller. xx

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  4. You're awesomely funny.

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  5. Sad fact: I completely agree with the comment about if you have to wear glasses you feel like its a total curse and wouldn't be caught dead wearing the fake ones. And it's just jealous-inducing when others pretend to have bad eyesight.

    Reality: I got lasik a year ago. I wear fake wayfarers every once in a while because they accessorize well with my outfit. Life Fail but Man Repeller Win I suppose!

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  6. This is going to be an annoying comment, but I had to say it: Navajo? Not Mexican. More like Arizona, U.S. Other than that, awesome blog.

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  7. @Gabriela YOU'RE SO RIGHT. Fixed.

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  8. Soooo true :)
    I was jumping form joy when last year I noticed my eyesight is getting worse & worse. And then came the happy day I got my BCG! And now my life is totally men free :)

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  9. I've secretly always wanted poor eyesight so I could don a pair of BCG as well #fashiongirlproblems

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  10. I dunno I hav ebeen wearing specs since the tender age of nine and that was 23 years ago. Although sometimes i wish wish wish I didn't need to I am hardly bitter about people liking them as an accessory. I think glasses can be fabulous, with or without the prescription...but maybe I say that because I can also wear contacts (yes even with astigmatism) when I so choose.

    Regarding the post, I heart it and those tortoise shell cats eye frames have been on my to-get list for a couple months!

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  11. Love it! This is the only thing I read that makes me belly-laugh-out-loud EVERYDAY!!!!

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  12. haha awesome post as usual. Perhaps the girl with the umbrella was avoiding a glasses tan?

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  13. AHAHAHA i love your blog. great!

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  16. Again, great post, funny writing, but once again, I think you look great with glasses (some women really look stunning in glasses) :)

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  17. you are funny like hell. not to mention you are beautiful. you intimidate men

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  19. This is greaaaaaaaat! and the glasses are awesome!

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  20. Umm... Your rebuttals are entirely valid and have been proven again and again. I get the sense that you realized how brilliantly they contradicted your post and that's why you included them. Nevertheless the final picture was a valiant effort at supporting your thesis. But ask any hetero. man what he thinks of glasses on a pretty girl and/or just watch porn and take notes.

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  21. I wear glasses occasionally, mainly to drive. I can't see well past 3mtrs.
    Every time I put them on my boyfriend tries to hump me, is this normal?

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  22. Just landed on your blog! It's funny and very interesting! Thanks for finding my favourite glasses.I adore the Oak NYC ones!

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  23. You know what they say: boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses!

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  24. another awesome post!!!

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  25. you go girl.... how brilliant are you

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  27. hey, i dint know i am wearing one! after my recent break up, i went into a clinic and by instinct, picked this up. it loves my face and people love it, thinking it's fake. but these specs do help me see the real thing :O

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  28. I'm leaning in close to read this blog... time to buy some BCG me thinks!!!

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  29. Your sort is great. What a fashion trends. The Birth control glasses is amazing. I want to purchase that one soon. Thank you for the information and keep it up.

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  30. you know the old saying....
    'Boy's don't make passes at girl's that wear glasses'
    it's very true for all the above haha

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  31. Check out Selima Optique's stores downtown. She makes rad frames and is French. It would match your fetish. http://selimaoptique.com/

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  32. You are wrong. When you are a lady of 'a certain age' and of artistic sensibilities, a good pair of BCGs are actually effective attractants. They hide your crows feet, this taking 10 years off a well-lived life, and they weed out the creeps/douchebags/corporate-lemming-men.

    I've had glasses since I was 8. Wear contacts too, but my BCBs a are social magnet.

    Love your site!

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