Since this has apparently become the vagina blog, Halloween will only be referred to as Hallowvageen going forward. I know what you’re thinking, and no, sabbatical is not over. Consider this a sort of sabbatical from a sabbatical. It would have been selfish for me to keep this post to myself and to be quite honest, THIS BLOGCOMA IS KILLING ME. I miss you guys, [insert hug here.]
Back to the point: If you don’t want to, you don’t have to over-expose your LTF (license to fuck, duh) and dress up as a dirty flight attendant, naughty nurse or captain hooker for the approaching pagan party. In fact, you may not have to travel further than your own closet to find your costume because I’m about to change the quality of your holiday and offer a tutorial on integrating your very own sartorial Man Repellers into a sweet Halloween costume.
Below find an elaborate list of ways to incorporate your current wardrobe into a bangin’ or rather, not-bangin’-me-tonight costume.
Use your turban to be a NYC Taxi Driver.
Do note though, I once asked a Sikh driver if he would help me tie my turban, he was less than pleased. I walked home that night.
Wear your topknot and white denim diaper shorts to be a sumo-wrestler. Extra Repeller points for a flat, bare [and hairy] chest.
Taking a sartorial cue from Denni of the Chic Muse will be particularly useful this Hallovageen around because she teaches the art of channeling a sumo wrestler AND pope in one simple outfit.
Everyone’s going to try and be Katy Perry this ‘weener around so why don’t you take the initiative and let your inner Russell Brand
#iwanttohaveyourbabys loose via messy curlz, leather pants, dirty tank tops, and cowboy boots.
Utility jacket, drop crotch trousers and combat boots for an army general inspired lady of the night.
I suggest the incorporation of a fatigue Equiment shirt and you know, maybe a helmet.
Take a cue from Proenza Schouler’s F/W 2010 collection to channel Wednesday Adams.
MR note: Bring a knife, Wednesday loves killing people, and as the left picture suggests…so does Proenza’s model.
Lots of hair, a top hat and Opening Ceremony furray bootays for a try at Cousin It.
Or take a cue Alexander Wang’s Fall collection and myself at Barneys to channel Wednesday’s mommy dearest, Morticia.
Dress up as a Grizzy bear using your fur jumpsuit, extra Repeller points here if you, like me, have caterpillars for eyebrows. Rawr.
Wear your favorite red based plaid, and alas: a lumberjack emerges.
Or, wear a feather sleeved somethin’ somethin’. Because birds are always in fashion.
H&M;’s current windows are taking the football theme a little far. Borrow their props, or use your own shoulder pads, bright liquid leggings to channel your man-friend’s favorite quarterback. Maybe he’ll take you home. He wouldn’t take the quarterback home though, so he probably won’t.
You can also borrow this girl’s jumpsuit to be an all American University wrestler. Wear a cup for dramatic effect and turn your Hallowvajeen into a Hallowpeen.
How about some Jimmy Choo loafers and a velvet cape to pay tribute to an [eclectic] Pope…or a black fedora and Oreo-inspired duds to pay tribute to the Rabbinate.
And finally, shave your head, dye your scalp dark and throw on the best drop crotch jersey black harem pants your Man Repelling ass could find because you’re paying tribute to the king of MRing: MC Hammer.
…Now, if you’re crazy and find yourself unsatisfied with my bombass halloween costume suggestions, I suggest you stay away from tacky polyester and cheap pleather (or don’t, if fornication is yo’thang) at Ricky’s, and head toward the Dress Like a Nun section.
After all…you’re already part of the sartorial monastery.