Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Transform Your Skirt from a Man Repeller to a Man Getter

I once chronicled a social experiment that included my friend chopping a whopping six inches off her Alexander Wang boyfriend shorts. The result left her dry spell over and her lady bits pleased. Here today, I will chronicle my effort at doing a similar DIY with a high waisted black flair skirt purchased at Zara several weeks ago. It’s important to note that in the context of repelling, you win some, you lose some. But mostly, you lose.

Exhibit A: I wore the below outfit to dinner last weekend. I didn’t think I was Man Repelling, but I was mistaken.

See that face? This is the face of a girl who hasn’t had a boyfriend in three years. 

You see, my bare ribs are showing. That’s sexy, right? Wrong. My shirt is still buttoned up to its collar and my skirt is still channeling Weird Al Yankovic’s spoof song Amish Paradise.

The shoes were Man Repellers for another reason. While YSL Tribute Sandals are often used in the context of say, pole dancing class or tricking the masses into thinking you are six inches taller than you actually are, I was told I “look like a crippled crow” walking in said Tribs. I don’t know what a crippled crow looks like but I don’t want to look like one, I don’t think.

So, I failed my whale all the way home, alone, by myself, just me and my skirt and my cool cut out shirt. And then I thought: hey, here’s an idea.
So…

I took off the Alexander-no-Wang cut out blouse and put on a bustier. You can’t see my nipples though the nude lining tricks you into thinking you can…Man Repeller score point. After the bustier was snapped on, I traded in the tributes for a more a traditional stiletto. These mother fuckers are by Brian Atwood, they pinch my feet, but I love them. And the arch is so high they make my legs look EXTRA LONG! Even despite the bad things the skirt is trying to do to my body. Then I threw tons of glittery shit across my neck.

I proceeded to wear this out to a family friend’s Bar Mitzvah event and…

…See that face? This is the face of a girl who…hasn’t had a boyfriend in three years.

Essentially, the moral of my story is this: I tricked you. One skirt, two ways, and still repelling. Cock blockers don’t become cock rockers.

Contact: HaremPants@ManRepeller.com, Tweet @ManRepeller

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