So, do you miss me? I took an elongated weekend. Rule #1: Never take Mondays off. Anyway, just because my fingers were on break, doesn’t mean my brain was!
Here’s what you missed when the storms I call thoughts exerted themselves on to me.
1. I used to say White Lightning may or may not be my favorite blogger ever, and then she posted a photo of these shoes and so, I dropped the may not.
You may not understand, let me explain. These are DOC MARTEN FOR OPENING CEREMONY! That’s like having your pubic hair do a collaboration with a yeast infection. You know why? Because both unions yield the same effect: uncomfortable VJ. They’re pony hair (the shoes, not your lady parts) and modeled after jelly sandals. I want them so hard. By the transitive property of geometry I may have just added pubic hair and yeast infection to my wish list.
2. If the passage above isn’t a clear indication that I am staying true to my alias, perhaps this photo is.
Three words: velvet bolero rhinestones. Shoulder pads. Heavy ones. My mother’s wedding. 1986.
3. On Saturday, I asked a friend what he considers the most man repelling item his lady friends wear. He quickly responded “jeggings. They’re not jeans, they’re not leggings. Make up your mind.” That’s all fine and well but obviously, he hasn’t heard of PAJAMA JEANS! They’re pajamas, they’re jeans, they flare. There’s a video. Watch it.
4. I learned some insightful things since Kanye West started tweeting, too. A. He doesn’t really like speaking in complete sentences. B. He loves glasses, I don’t mean sunglasses. C. Rhinestone pillows are not comfortable to sleep on. D. Baby mama jets. E. Classic music is tight, yo.
5. Overalls are cool if you’re into femullets. Mull it over.
And nothing says bone me from behind like rolling off a farm in your fat uncle’s onesie, red lipstick and Ray Ban sunnies.
I’m going to France Wednesday…I can’t wait to take this shit overseas!
Mail me, ManRepeller@gmail.com or follow the best Twitter account known to mankind @ManRepeller