France is Calling, So I Am Going

Repellers, I am flying to the South of France tonight. 

As homage, take a look at my I’m-so-cool-I’m-going-to-France-in-an-hour pose.
Before I go however, there are several things I must tell you.

a. Your eyes are not playing a trick on you. I am not a quarterback nor do I swim like Michael Phelps. In fact, I’m puny, I may even have scoliosis. Those aren’t my natural shoulders. They are padded. Yes, shoulder padded. I bought this shirt when I lived in Paris last year. I was a bit reluctant to buy it at first, but then I put my leopard print stuffed animal jacket over it and the definition those pads added to my jacket had my lady boner erecting full throttle.

b. I’ve worn these high waisted shorts from Calypso on several dates with several (read: two) men. You may be asking yourself why I chose to wear anything high waisted on a first date. Well, fella Repellas, I was under the impression that Calypso couldn’t dick-deflect if it tried. I was wrong and alas, my affinity for spermiciding continues.
 
Encounter #1: Man who might be gay: So, what are those shorts about? Me: What do you mean these are so cool. Man who might be gay: Cool? That’s what you think? Ok. I love buttsex. Me: Yes, that’s because you might be gay. (The second part didn’t happen in words, just telepathic thoughts.)

Encounter #2: Tall man with accent: “Everything about you is cute except for those stupid high waisted shorts.” Me: I love you, call me.

Naturally, there were no second dates. 

c. I love the peacock behind me in the above photo because he is the only peaCOCK that doesn’t jump ship when we are in the same proximity. That may just be because he is made from glass, or because a window 26 stories high lives behind him.

d. My going away doesn’t mean a break from repelling as usual. I intend to update, so intend to check in. The Manrepelifesto is coming overseas with me!

Au-revoir hetero, homo, trans, and bi-sexuals. I love you like my own Alexander Wang Polina boots

Contact: ManRepeller@gmail.com, Tweetertwatter: @ManRepeller

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Thoughts?
  • http://thestylecrusader.org the style crusader

    seriously hilarious. i love this blog more each time i visit it… enjoy your trip. xx

  • http://styledon.com Casey

    I fear for those poor French men – they have no idea what is headed their way.

  • http://www.lapetiteescalere.blogspot.com emilie

    i'll be joining you in about 2 weeks in full repelling force… scaring off french wang one outfit at a time.

  • Leslie

    OMG – I must warn you, french men are much harder to repel than americans…. do tell all your adventures, I can't wait.

  • http://freehoney.blogspot.com Ashley

    Hahahaha you are hilarious! Just found your blog via a RT on twitter and am commenting from my phone which is a huge pain but I have to bc I died reading this.

    Xoxo, Ashley

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11434497632651114929 Miss Janey

    Bon voyage. Repellez-vous!

  • http://www.igetafever.com IGetaFever

    Can't wait to hear how the white-jazz-shoe-wearing-Parisian-dudes will react to your repelling ways. I'm envisioning two highly repellant forces colliding together in a huge fashion explosion.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09898743425395763346 Rosie

    Salut! Have a fantastic trip! I hope you get laid by a sumptuous Frenchman! xx

  • Anonymous

    I love you. And I want your white bag…pray tell?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05363434453787726257 Fur, Bones, Skin.

    your blog is incredible, i'm loving you!

    http://furbonesskin.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09199331683603053383 Jocelyne

    Best new blog ever, seriously! You rock lady! Have a great time on your fab trip!

  • Shaniqua

    come back! need more postss….

  • Carla

    Even the pillows on your bed repel.
    SHOULD you even get a man back to your bed, the crazy fluffy pillow business will repel anyway.

    Having said this, naturally they give me a lady-boner large enough to take out they eyes of people in a 3ft radius.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03438734180519990049 www.kimberlytaylor.com

    i LOVE when you include yourself in the posts! miss ur face..
    xxx
    come home before I attract a man and stop repelling forever…

    JUST KIDDING! rest assured I couldn't if I tried so will continue to keep on keeping on with the usual repelling till your back

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10154940632714513483 FASHION ICE

    i love this picture! great style. come follow me xoxo