I’ve compiled a list of all the things you may have missed going on in a. the blogosphere b. on e-commerce sites and c. on my body while I was being my plain old fancy flamingo self out East this weekend. In the event you didn’t miss them…WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER? See below anyway.
1. Berlin Fashion Week took sartorial cues from Narnia.
…Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Where are her shoes!
2. Which reminded me of the time Kiev Fashion Week went out on a (prosthetic) limb.
And super-glued faux-arms into the bottom of a cape made from old sleeping bags. What ever happened to traditional adornments? You know, rhinestones, crystals, spikes, studs…dreidels.
You may also be wondering what happened to makeup tutorials and hair irons.
I found this lingering around the pages of mrnewton.net. While the classic wrestling uniform is less than impressive when worn by a mango, once he’s already uh, left his mark, it’s probably not a good idea for a female to show her literal lady boner to the world. This particular female also seems to have missed a spot while cutting her bangs. And yes, you’re right, that’s a scrunchy.
4. Phillipe Audibert heard my cry and Net-a-porter facilitated the end all be all to my problems. You may not know this, but I am part of a Michael Jackson tribute band.
The end all be all to my problems resurfaced when I checked Netaporter this morning again and the $1,170 glove, that could have helped me beat it like no one has ever beat it before was sold out.
5. I wore a white Wilt onesie. I hold this jumpsuit particularly near and dear because it was the first sartorial cock block I ever bought…and it’s been working wonders.
My dumb friend Ben Fink Shapiro took this picture on his iPhone. My dumb self always matches shoes to car.
6. Then I wore my cool rainbow beach shorts to a barbecue on Sunday. There, a close man friend whose seen the shorts already said “you forgot to clean the diarrhea out of your diaper again.”
The shoes were later called my little pony’s baby cousin. You may say baby cousin, but I say baby mushroom plants! Or cabbages!
Speaking of baby ponies…it looks like he’s winning in the race against my shoe.
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