When I was sixteen I had an adorable little baby puppy.
For one week.
After the seven day mark, my mother returned him when I wasn’t looking. He shat on a rug. She bought me a T-Mobile Sidekick to replace the little baby puppy. I told her an electronic device couldn’t replace the warmth of a beating heart and she said “but honey, it’s a smart phone.” Just kidding, she didn’t say that, she’s not even American. Anyway, I cried for a really long time (20 minutes) (the Sidekick was really cool) and promised myself that when I was of age, I would buy myself a puppy.
Ok, maybe not a puppy per say, but they are furry. And it would be rude to say they don’t have beating hearts, even though they don’t.
On the bright side, I probably won’t have to take them to the vet for shots, or to a groomer, they definitely won’t shit on my mother’s rugs and most importantly…
My furry clunkers are going to attract so-cute-I-might-kick-myself-in-the-face black beanie babies like this one all the time! If only because the so-cute-I-might-kick-myself-in-the-face black beanie babies think my boots are little siblings! Or potential sex partners!
The puppy boots and the actual puppy have more in common than you may think. Here’s a short list.
3. Capable of walking
4. Utterly thrilled about the progress BP’s oil spill has made in the last week.
5. Difficult time breathing
6. A penchant for modeling on white backdrops
7. No opposable thumbs to tweet with
8. Loveable — they have this one in common with me, too!
10. Animal rights activists (Puppy boot is made from faux fur, duh)
And finally, here are the sex stats I’ve written up: Man Repeller: 0, Shoes on Man Repeller’s feet: 1. Fail.
Get in touch with us! ManRepeller@gmail.com and tweet us for a good time @ManRepeller
Puppy boots by Alexander Wang, available at OAKnyc.