On the quest to conduct several social experiments where we, the Repellers, try to transform into getters I found myself wearing a Canadian (or Texan, depending on how you poskin) (poskin is an old Talmudic word) (I was once a Rabbi myself) tuxedo one Sunday afternoon. Because the visual does not exist, use your brain and think: light wash high waisted denim cut offs (extra repel points for those who wear butt pads) and a chambray button down shirt. To add a little pizazz to the outfit, I wore some sweet flat black booties a la Opening Ceremony (yes, yes, where the sexually active vagina goes to die) with loads of bows on them- these ones to be exact:
I know this is going to sound nuttier than the nutty professor himself, but I didn’t know I was repellin’.
I was minding my own business, strolling around Soho because that’s what Man Repellers do, they stroll around Soho until they stumble into TopShop, when my fella Repella decided to start ripping my Canadian tuxedo a brand new butthole. “Ok, this is what I mean when I say you’re a Man Repeller,” she said. “But my shorts can practically pass for denim underwear,” I said. “Yes but look at your ass, no ones ass should look like that,” she said. “JEEZ. It’s not like I’m wearing an asshat (for the uninitiated: these are hats for buttheads,) let’s weigh in,” I rebutted. And so, we stopped two men walking down the street.
“Excuse me, am I repelling you?” I asked.
“What?” One man said back.
“Am I dressed in a fashion that would repel the typical man,” Said I.
The two men looked at each other, slighty confused before they separately said: “no, not at all.”
And then, in unison, the two confused men offered this:
“But why the fuck are you wearing two watches? That’s weird.”
I suppose they were right, if only because it was noon. Neither of my watches were set to the correct time, for any location, world wide. I just thought it looked cool.
And then I stopped wearing two watches. And now, I have a boyfriend.
PSYCH! Call me!
Contact: ManRepeller@gmail.com, Tweetertwatter: @ManRepeller