When Bad Denim Gets Worse

by Leandra Medine
July 27, 2010
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Remember those sweet multifunctional jeans cleverly called “Split Decisions” that I showed you a couple months ago? Let me refresh your memory. 

I aptly dubbed them Human Repeller of the week- not only because they are painful to look at, but because they are made for the female that can’t decide whether she wants to wear skinny jeans or boyfriend jeans so in turn settles on both as her solution. Adventures in brain repelling continue. Anyway, I thought I’d never see such bad denim, but then I remembered…

these! Camel toe inducing bombass jeans that I bought from a boutique called Bel-Air in the Man Repelling capital of the world: Paris. I exhausted use of the pants the first two months I lived in Paris. And then, when winter rolled aronud and it became too cold for light wash parachutes, I obtained a French man-friend. Coincidence? I think not. Spemicide? Perhaps so.

If you knew me, you would know my biggest fear in life is having my vagina chainsawed in half. 
Now, If I knew you, these are the comments I would expect to receive about this outfit:

1. “For someone who is so scared of chainsaws, you seem fine with the seam of your pants cutting you in half.”

2. “Hey, are those denim parachutes on your legs or are you just happy to see me?”
Actually, I wouldn’t comment this if I were you as it doesn’t make very much sense.

3. “Oh, so it’s your bladder that invented the term FUPA, nice.”

4. “I guess I can understand why you would want to wear a chastity belt, but with those pants on, it seems utterly unnecessary.

5. “Why is your hair so frizzy?” 

Additional information I will provide: yes, those are shoulder pads in my t-shirt. In fact, when I bought the t-shirt the first thing I said to my fella Repella was “I wish it had more aggressive shoulder pads in it.”
For the ever-uninitiated: FUPA still stands for Fat Upper (Pussy) Area.
Also, I was hand-made in the USA. 

Contact: ManRepeller@gmail.com, Tweetertwatter: @ManRepeller

REPLIES
  • Anonymous

    The sad part is I really love this outfit and I would excuse the camel toe to wear this outfit in real life…it's a shame how we subconsciencly want to repell men.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02013635340390847981 Julia M

    I love this outfit. Who needs men anyway, when we look this good?!

  • Anna

    If you were me you'd call them the elephant man jeans as they're clearly designed for unfortunate creatures who were born with elephantiasis of the right side.

    Or perhaps for those of us who are still uncertain as to whether we wish to repel or not; Approach victim from the right in a crab-like fashion: repel. Approach victim from the left in a crab-like fashion: enchant.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07605254577592517115 House Hunting in Paris

    now now, who can really judge that outfit when it only highlights your fabulous medor belt (yes I'm jealous!)

  • http://excellentnotion.wordpress.com/ excellentnotion

    Where can I get some Spemicide?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17256619875246395793 sydney

    dude the pants are gorgeous! I need a pair

    And as for shoulder pads – they remind me of last season Therese Rawsthorne's transparent polkadotted one piece with really agressive visible white shoulder pads? (She's an aussie designer)

    it's my favourite item of clothing! http://twitpic.com/29bdne

  • Anonymous

    I love your blog. Period.

  • http://www.jewlr.com/magazine Alexandra

    Leandra, have you seen this yet?

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01181778296037431963 TheMinx

    your blog is so fantastic. I like this outfit actually, but your commentary is also so spot-on.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11434497632651114929 Miss Janey

    The Man Repeller is hilarious.

  • Anonymous

    My boyfriend says guys like cameltoe because it shows you what's underneath.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15540367324651819913 …love Maegan

    the man-repelling capital of the world, Paris …bhahaahahahahahahaha

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06005450822288905796 DEAD FLEURETTE

    Hahaha I love this post. Didn't even notice the camel-toe until I read it. I even saved the photo for inspiration before I read the camel toe part. haha!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03740629408618866076 moe

    i've got the solution to your camel toe problem. http://www.camelflage.com/ i don't work for these guys nor have i tried it. but i think you should. for all of us.

    xx

  • Anonymous

    You've got one thing wrong here: If you think a cameltoe, repels men, you're residing in a dream world. Just ask the 3,000 plus members of cameltoe-forum, or the dozens of other websites devoted to the beauty of the toe.

    Any guy who told you cameltoe is "gross", is probably a cock-gobbler. The fashion industry is all fags, word.

    TRUST ME: Men who like women, LOVE a nicely clefted mound.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09002653722362360829 Han Tan

    Today I wore some high-waisted thrifted jean shorts. I love 'em…but I must ask: how do you keep your cootch from falling asleep while seated? This was a major problem…affecting my studies.

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    thank you – I was just about to google FUPA

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