In the twittersphere, manic Monday has been renamed music Monday and since we love twitter hard, we’re paying homage to the social media network and creating a #musicmonday play list of the most Man Repelling tunes your ears can handle.
Note: We claim no responsibility should you go deaf. We apologize but…come on man, they’re just songs.
And now for the list, in no particular order:
10. Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
You’re only singing “since you been gone” because he left. Duh.
9. Justin Bieber‘s entire musical career. Not because of his epic comb-over, the actual songs that he sings, or even because his website’s URL is www.bieberfever.com. No, Justin Bieber wins a spot on the top 10 list because of the tweets he twat at his 3.1 million followers while performing in the Bahamas this passed weekend:
June 13, 12:47AM. “Club rush is open til two for the afterparty.”
Wait a fuck! Justin! You’re 16, what do you mean, club rush?
One hour later he corrected said tweet and specified, “just checked my twitter…see u guys are thinking im in a real club. Club Rush is the TEEN club at the Atlantis. we are just having fun.”
Whew! That was close. Still, fella Man Repellas, remember: you’re swooning over a sixteen year old. His balls probably haven’t even dropped yet.
(visit my alternate site at www.ilovejustinbiebersomuchiwouldsacrificemyfirstbornforhimtotweetatme.com)
8. Party in The USA – Miley Cyrus
We speculate that every time Jay-Z hears Miley sing “and the Jay-Z song was on, and the Jay-Z song was on…” a little bit of his soul dies. On the bright side: soon she’ll be legal, and giving LiLo a run for her DUIs.
7. Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess LuAnn
Are people still ignoring this enormous elephant in the room? I’m just going to come out and say it: LuMANN, we think you have a penis.
6. Tearing Up My Heart – N*SYNC
Boy band! Look, I’m not going to disclose whether or not I’m listening to this song right now, but I will say this: when Lance Bass joined N*SYNC he was straight. We speculate that over the years, those synchronized dance moves finally got to his head. Or penis.
5. TikTok – Ke$ha
I was repelling in Paris when Ke$ha blew up, but when I returned in December 2009, I heard about the new pop-queen on the block. After I saw the money sign replacing an S in her name, I was disappointed to find that she was white. And spends the majority of her videos singing out of the roof of a car, arms in the air, wind blowing through her hair.
4. Ironic – Alanis Morisette
Alanis Morisette spends the entire Ironic video sitting and singing in a car, with herself, four times over. Toward the end, she and her three split personalities start seizuring while they are “rayiyayiayng.” The alien version of herself, sitting in the backseat, wears a yellow sweater and has her hair in four braided pony tails. This song was a big hit among angry lesbians in the 90s and so, listening to it may have suggested that you too, (as many of us were) an angry lesbian in the 90s.
3. Do-do-do-do-d-dora the Explorer’s theme song. Simply because she and Anna Wintour are hair twins and we don’t want you to forget it.
2. Hilary Duff, Vanessa Hudgens, Leighton Meester and Lindsay Lohan (we’re specifically speaking of her epic hit “Confessions of a Broken Heart: Daughter to Father”) fall into the same spot. Successful television debut does not a successful musical talent make.
…to the average human. Personally, I think you ladies are freakin’ genius! Call me!
1. And it wouldn’t be a Man Repeller-inspired playlist without MC Hammer’s ” U Can’t Touch This.” In case you’re not quick on the uptake, Hammer called the song “U Can’t Touch This” because no one wanted to touch it.
Balloon pant fail.
Every song listed above was taken from my “Most Recently Played” playlist on iTunes.
Get in touch with us! ManRepeller@gmail.com and follow us on Twitter for a good time @ManRepeller