Your Lipstick is Poppin, His Pants are Not
We know, Chloe wears the cherry popsicle stain look so it has to be cool. Cool, yes. Sexy? No. In fact, we have proof: In an extremely scientific survey of all men everywhere, when asked if red lips equaled babe, or boner killer, a whopping 85% chose the latter.
Keep smirking, Rouge Lips-on-the-Left. There may indeed be a man who can look past your black chewbacca jacket*, see your chopped hair as Natalie Portman-esque and ignore the turban** on your head, but your ginger friend will end up having the last laugh. Know why?
Because your red pucker is a boner stop sign.
Lip lacquered ladies, we write out of camaraderie***. A sort of ya-ya sisterhood of the traveling crimson, if you will. I personally have been known to sport red on many occasions:
See? I’m right there with you, puckering up (bad) and sporting a bow-tie/ascot around my neck (worse). And see that glass of champagne in my hand? It’s stained with lipstick and raised to you, fellow Man Repellers. Cheers.
Sincerely, Read My Lips: I’m A Man Repeller
*I am lusting over said black chewbacca jacket
**Are turbans considered asshats?
editor note: Yes
***editor note pt. 2: guest blogger RougeLip spelled camaraderie as comraderie. Asshat.
***guest blogger rebuttal: Baxter you know I can’t speak Spanish. Dropcrotch.
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