Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Met Saw Many a Soft Peen Last Night

The Met Ball is a good excuse for celebrities, models, designers and the like to play dress up with their finest duds. Now, when you think evening wear, you don’t necessarily think Man Repellent, right? Wrong. As it happens, our favorite red carpet looks seemed to have served as the poster children and today’s inspiration for The Man Repeller. Below, a look back at the anti boner-ful night.

This wasn’t necessarily a favorite look but it should be noted that Tina Fey and her navy blue silk full length jumpsuit have one fundamental thing in common and that is: funny.

I would have worn the same white gown Joy Bryant wore last night should my wedding have been in 1983. Puff sleeves make the penis go down.

Georgina Chapman dons a white feathered towel. Pregnant fur is just darling.

I bid one question, M.I.A., one. Why, on the only night of the week you remove Nike Dunks from your feet and oversized gym wear from your body, do you have to dip yourself in chained gold. The Met ball is not a. Baliwood b. the Las Vegas Jewelry convention or c. one of your music videos.
Disclaimer: This dress is from an Alexander Wang/Gap collaboration, I will own it despite full awareness that this Wang will repel all other wangs.

If a man saw Maggie Gyllenhaal from the waist up he might do a double take but then, a blend of sleeping/garbage bag explodes below her waist.

You aren’t actually Mormon, Chloe. Big Love is just a TV Show. I hope that’s clear.*

We’ve been pretty clear about the side effects of channeling men. And while my co-editor says, “Why would Alexa do this? I’d rather look gorgeous in a dress” – I send a rebuttal because I am with Alexa on this one, the emaciated penguin look is awesome. This is not a joke.

And the last photo from the Met Ball round up appears in form of sex symbol Gisele Bundchen channeling Pocahontas gone dominatrix.


We speculate that Gisele wore this dress to conduct a social experiment that goes something like this: I can tie my hair back so tightly that I almost look like an alien, cover up my entire upper body with leather/liquid latex cross-hatching, and still be the sexiest female specimen here.

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